Matt's Letter

Earlier this summer, a friend in our class at church, Matt Kendall, died unexpectedly of a pulmonary embolism. His wife, Sharon, has been living with her sister in Colorado for a few months while working through the grief of loosing her husband of 10 years. Her sister is putting together a book for her full of letters from their friends about Matt. What not many people know is that God used Matt's death as a huge wake up call for me in my life. This is the letter I wrote to Sharon. (Again, I am using this blog more as a journal for my self than anything else.)

Sharon, As I am sitting here to write this letter to you, I pray for you this Christmas. I can't begin to imagine how difficult this time must be for you, but I pray that in some small way you are beginning to heal. I pray this book that Joy put together for you continues to help you on your new journey in life. There are a few things I have wanted to share with you, but wasn't really sure how or when to do it, but this seemed like the perfect time. I want you to know that Matt's death was not in vain. My life was drastically changed in a way that I really did not even know was possible. I have grown up in the church, been a believer from a very young age, and really thought I was living about as well as any "good" Christian could. But really, deep down inside me, in a place I never really shared, I felt empty, wandering, wondering why it was I couldn't get past a lukewarm temperature in my spiritual life. Ironically, even though I felt all of those things, I knew God was there, I knew that He loved me and died for me, had a plan in my life and had blessed me immensely, but there was still something missing. I just didn't know what it was. A little over a year ago I began to pray that God would show me my place here, what it was I needed to be doing. He slowly began tugging at my heart through various things, I could feel I was starting to grow in new ways. Then, this summer when Matt went to be with the Lord, my world was rocked. Here was a healthy young man, living his life one day, with the Lord the next. At that moment, I realized in a place deep down inside me that I am not promised tomorrow, and honestly, I was living as though I was. It is something I had heard over and over, but it was at the funeral, during the song "Dancing with the Angles", that God changed my heart and way of thinking. Matt is up there, he is HOME. He is HOME, we are not. My eyes were opened to the brevity of this life and the fact that heaven is our destination. I have seen that God has an incredible plan and story for this whole world and I get to be a part of it. Now, looking at this short life through an eternal perspective, everything has changed. I still struggle with the normal selfish daily struggles, but when I make myself sit back and look at it as a whole, my attitude changes. God has lit a new fire in me that has never been there before. A fire that keeps telling me there is so much more to life than me and the things that I want. I am excited to live this life without the fear I lived with before. I know that no matter what happens, I can honestly say that I know God will take care of me and my family. I know that I am not the only person who was affected in some way by Matt. Thank you for sharing him with us. Your sister, Sarah Mason